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When children get upset, they don’t scream and yell. They don’t hit or bite. Instead, they lash out at anyone who fits the bill of an “aggrieved party.” It’s not that these children can’t think of ways to express their hurt and anger, it’s just that the ideas keep changing. For example, one moment they may be crying and whimpering while hugging a pillow to soothe them; the next moment they may be screaming and punching holes in walls in search of attention. This may seem like an extreme example, but remember: Children are real people with real feelings! So what do you do when your child is angry? How can you help quell that last-minute tantrum without scaring her even more? Here are a few powerful phrases you can use to calm your child down…
“It’s okay to feel angry.”
In our culture, we are taught to “justify” our feelings by saying things like “I’m sorry” or “I ‘m not mean.” However, this just short-circuits the whole “feelings are valid” part of childhood. Instead of giving in to irrational and exaggerated emotions, “It’s okay to feel angry” permits children to feel what they’re feeling without having to “make it okay” for themselves.
## “I love, too.”
Loving is not a choice; it’s a way of being. We may not always choose to show it, but we all love something. Whether it’s our partner, our friend, or something in between, we all have something to give. When we say we love someone or something, we’re not just saying it because we want to. We genuinely mean it.
## “That’s natural.”
This one is a no-brainer. The natural state of things is what triggers our feelings. Nature, not nurture. Letting go of what we don’t need in order to give ourselves permission to feel what we’re feeling is called natural crying. This is a good thing, not a bad thing.
## “Let it go.”
When we’re stressed out, impatient, or filled with negative energy, it’s tempting to “let it all out” in an effort to calm down. Unfortunately, this gives the offending emotion more attention, which only serves to magnify its intensity. What you need to do instead is to give in to the urge to “let it go” while at the same time “holding on” to your sense of self-awareness and self-control.
## “You’ll get your turn to be angry soon enough.”
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own head-space that we miss the signs and symptoms of our kids’ emotions. “You’ll get your turn to be angry soon enough” is a promise that your child will be angry, not that she will be happy when she gets her turn. This reassurance helps your child feel better knowing that she isn’t the only one feeling the way she is.
## Conclusion
In conclusion, when your child is in an angry or upset mood, she might try to hide it from you. Instead of scolding her for hiding her feelings, try to focus on what she’s doing instead. If she’s throwing a fit, put on some music and dance with her. If she’s not feeling well, cuddle with her and wait until she feels better before going to bed. If you can’t do anything to soothe your child, don’t worry! There are several ways to calm yourself down too.
Begin by saying “hello” to your child. This will help her feel heard and connected to you.
Help your child move towards her goal. For example, if she’s upset about a recent breakup, hug her and tell her you’re sorry for her loss.
Lastly, try to accept your child as she is instead of trying to change her.
## “It’s okay to feel angry.”
This is one of the most useful phrases you can say to your child. When someone is angry, she’s just trying to get her point across without resorting to violence. It’s natural for anyone to get “energized” when she feels strongly about something. What you can do, though, is put your child at ease.
## “I love, too.”
This one is super powerful. The fact that you love something doesn’t mean you have to love everything about it. You can love your job, your friends, and your car, but you can’t love your job, your friends, and your car all at the same time. If your child tells you that she loves something, respond by saying that it’s not a good idea to love every single thing about every single person you know.
## “That’s natural.”
This one is a no-brainer. The natural state of things is to feel a certain way. It’s not “bad” to feel whatever you feel. Natural crying, spinning, and vacuuming are all normal human functions. What’s more, “that’s natural” doesn’t mean that it’s “good” or “right” to feel that way. It just is.
## “Let it go.”
When we allow ourselves to “let it go” (as opposed to “fighting it” or “wiping it out”), we express that we are at ease with our emotions and able to deal with them maturely. When we “let it go,” we accept that we’ve got this and are comfortable with it. “Let it go” is a message to ourselves that I deserve to be happy and that I’m allowed to be happy.
## “You’ll get your turn to be angry soon enough.”
This one is super powerful. “You’ll get your turn to be angry soon enough” sends the message that your child will be angry when she gets her turn. It doesn’t say that she can’t be angry now or ever. Instead, it sends the message that your child is allowed to be upset now and that when she is done being upset, she will be happy again.
## Conclusion
In the end, parents need to remember that their child is a real person with feelings just like you. When your child is upset, she is trying to get her point across. The key is to be there for her when she’s feeling down, and offer your support when she needs it. When you talk to your child about being upset or having a bad day, try to maintain a calm, soothing tone while still being genuine and speaking from the heart. When you talk to your child about her feelings, you can say that you love her and that you’re there for her when she needs you.
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